whaddup, my name is Blenderdick Custardbath
Benchthis Chunkybap. Well.
Benadryl Cumberbatch..too much like his actual name. How about….Blubberbutt Thundermunch
Benadryil Cumberfinch and proud
Boppinstick Bandersnatch at your service.
Brodyquest johnmycash. . . Well okay then.
You know what would be a really cool alarm clock, If it were Nick Fury from the Avengers, so when it went off it said “Wake up MOTHER FUCKER!!!” and when you pressed snooze it went “I acknowledge that you’ve made the decision to snooze, but given that it’s a stupid ass decision i’ve elected to ignore it” and just kept beeping.
I’m quite pleased with this.
Rapping this out loud in my empty classroom like swag.
WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE WADDUP I AM A BIG SCOT
I’M SO PUMPED ABOUT SOME VISION THAT THE WITCHES GOT
I WILL BE THANE, SO SAYS THE PROPHECY
THAT PEOPLE LIKE “DAMN, MACBETH DESERVES GLORY”
….You realize, of course, that Hermione Granger lit a teacher on fire when she was eleven, and kept a person alive in a jar for a year when she was fourteen, and studies dark and forbidden magics for kicks, and is one of the brightest and strongest witches of her era. If she came at me, even wandless, I would aparate to Neptune to get away from her.
Hermione Granger also:
- punched Draco Malfoy in the nose for being an idiot
- purposefully performed a confundus charm on whatshsface WHILE HE WAS FLYING just so Ron would win (omfg that is so fucking dangerous)
- literally pulled a fucking Bourne Identity on her parents and managed to set them up in fucking Australia (jesus christ she literally made it so that she NEVER EXISTED wtf that’s so fucking 007)
- Convinced the Ministry of Magic to give her an incredibly dangerous and volatile device that allowed her to ALTER TIMELINES COMPLETELY (just because she was so smart, literally, that is the reason, her “potential”)
- Has enough basic survival skills and badass magic to literally disappear to the middle of nowhere and flourish AND figure out Voldemort’s plot with Harry
- Hermione also figures out not only what Voldemort’s plan is, but generally how to beat it, WAY BEFORE VOLDEMORT EVER DOES. Why? because she is just that much smarter and better at magic than everybody else
in conclusion: Voldemort wishes he could be as awesome as Hermione, that’s why he wants to kill her so bad.
Can we rehave this series with hermione as the protagonist.
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Used the Power of Research and Deductive Reasoning to Make Sure Harry Didn’t Die”
Hermione Granger and “That time I figured shit out and literally ended up petrified for the cause and it took my friends weeks to figure out that I had the research on me”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Was a Time Lord”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Realized I was Hot and Smart and Saved Harry’s Ass with Research. Again. All the Time. Really, He Would Have Died Without Me.”
Hermione Granger and “That time Harry was too emo to actually do shit so I did shit in his name because I am the power behind the throne clearly also PS fought evil deatheaters and won”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I told Harry about the Dangers of Copying off Somebody’s else’s work that wasn’t mine and OH LOOK I WAS RIGHT”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I let Harry Decide Where to Go and What To do and we ended up wandering the forests of dean for like 5 months before saving his ass at Hogwarts”
This year’s Broadway Bares, the annual fundraiser for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, features Broadway’s hottest stars recreating fairy tales with their very own happy endings. ;)
See? Eye-candy isn’t always frivolous!
I will never not reblog this
is that first one supposed to be Goldilocks and the three bears„, omg